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"I feel you in my heart and I don’t even know you… and now we’re saying bye."

Nineteen - Tegan and Sara

8 days

Missing you

Thinking of you

Stuck on the past

Hoping to hear from you

Trying to control my feelings  (that’s too difficult)

Guessing if you give a damn.

*1
A completely platonic feeling. 

A completely platonic feeling. 

Now I know...

  • O: Why does everybody have to leave me?
  • D: I don't know, but I am not going to leave you.
  • O: I am sure you will, I am boring and I complain way too much about you/things...
  • D: I know that, but I can handle it because of you.
  • ...I <3 u.

Everybody’s making changes

Fuck! What am I going to do right now? Why does it seem like if everybody decided to make changes on the wrong time or, maybe, the wrong choices? Why people have to come and go in our lives? And when this happen, why do they leave us immersed in a sudden, an unbreakable emptiness? 

We never promissed we were going to keep on friends forever, but why am I feeling betrayed? Am I the only one who actually care about it? 

I know you’re thinking about what’s best for you and I am happy you actually made it, but why can’t I just feel happy about it instead of being selfish? If I could, I’d keep you all around me. Forever. 

And now I am crying. OH, GOD… FML!

"But when we wake, it’s all been erased! And so it seems… only in dreams."

Friendship Day

Well, I have no idea if people celabrate this day in the whole world, but it is very important for me and I think it should be important for everyone. I decided to make a whole post talking about it as I probably not going to talk to anyone individually, that’s too much for my current laziness :D

Anyway.. today we should think about people who made us who we are, I mean.. people who were somehow important in our lives. No matter if you guys were torn apart by changes on your daily life or even if you had a fight, love cannot be easily changed. Ok, of course you can change the intensity of this love and maybe its ‘type’, if something like this does exist, but hey.. you are probably still going to care about that other part as much as he/she lives. 

So, today you should look foward showing people what they mean to you. We can’t live all by ourselves, right? 

Now a little message for people who made my life different: Guys, I love you all! I wish we could be friends forever and never forget about each other even when we get old and forgetful (ok, maybe I can forgive you if you have Alzheimer)

*bear hugs you*

The ugly truth

Well, after spending a lot of time without posting anything interesting or creative enough, here I am to write some of my thoughts. Sometimes I get to think about things. I like keeping in touch with my past, with what is happening right now and also I wonder about my future. And after I have my reflexing day or night, I usually come to a conclusion: the truth is.. I don’t know, why is it so difficult to be completely happy with what is going on in our lives? 

It is really normal to hear people complaining and ‘blablabla’ing around and, I am sorry for that, sometimes they do complain about silly things. But who am I to judge, right? I do the same thing as they. By the way, I have the most terrible flaws and always try to admit them.

1) I am selfish. I hate sharing people I like the most because I am afraid of losing them or maybe that they find someone better than me. That kills me because I try always to do my best for them.. It is really difficult for me to get over someone, I still think about friends who abandoned me or even the ones who hurt me..

2) I hate when someone hurt my pride. I can’t just can’t say I am sorry if I think I am right… and I will not do anything about it even if I miss that person.  

3) I am a stubborn girl. I am trying my best to improve this area, but it’s really hard.. I am sorry, ok? :)

4) I am competitive and I like being the best in whatever I do (especially when it comes to college stuff). If I can’t achieve this purpose, I get a bit jealous of who did it and I start blaming myself even if I did ‘the best I could’. No, I don’t think that’s the right expression… We can always push our limits, right?

5) I keep wondering about a perfect life and when things don’t fulfill my expectations, I get so frustrated.. it’s like my worse nightmare.

6) I hate how I look and I’m surely not a self-confident person. I am really insecure about me and my image even though I seem not to care about it. When someone says I am fat or that I look like a lesbian, it’s usually unconfortable for me and that pushes me even more to the bottom. 

After reading my aunt’s blog, I started feeling that I’m not good enough and maybe it’s the right time for some changes. She managed to do that all by herself and I am really proud of her, but at the same time, I kind of envy that fact. As I said, I like being the best and I know that’s horrible. I always try to keep it just to myself, but I can’t. 

I started feeling that I should start changing at about a week ago. It all started when I realised sometimes I dress myself in a terrible way. Ok, it isn’t a terrible way, but it really seems I pass the wrong image of myself. I still remember one of my teachers saying that I didn’t seem to care that much about my college life and my exams… Gladly, she changed her mind after seeing how much I studied for her exam and also for one essay. She said my essay was the best overall and that I write texts perfectly. It really makes my day when someone recognizes all the effort I tend to put on things. But I think she is right about this image stuff.. Oh, come on! I don’t even have high-heeled shoes.. What a shame, isn’t it? 

Well, I started changing my hair. I decided to take off all of that reddish look and color it brown after having a nice haircut. Anyway… My hair has suffered a lot during the coloring process and it is looking terrible, plus the color isn’t looking like what I expected it to be. What a terrible start! So, now I am trying to recover my hair and I am crying a lot because of that. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror… 

Maybe I should stop saying that kind of things or people will think I am depressive… Sometimes I really think I am because of the ups and downs I go through every single day. I am happy when I am with my friends, but when I am home alone, I start feeling lonely and sad. I think the worst time I’ve been through was in January. I was on vacations; in a city where I don’t have friends; I had broken up with my boyfriend who I used to spend a lot of time with… It was one of my biggest nightmares after 2008, when I moved on to my dad’s house and had to swallow my ex-stepmother behaviour towards me. Many bad things happened on that year.. I lost my best friends because I couldn’t manage to find time for them… I spent an awful time when I was at school. I failed on my ‘vestibular’ (the exams we have to take to get in an university)..

Anyway, let’s cheer things up a little bit in the future… Let’s see if I can keep up with my promiss. :)

After writing down this post, I seriously need an opinion… Am I depressive? O.o

After a huge disappointment, nothing is better than&#8230; Burger King! \O/

After a huge disappointment, nothing is better than… Burger King! \O/

Proposal

What do you guys think about uploading a song which has made you cry someday? :)

Well… I will start with one which made me cry. When? Today.

I was young but I wasn’t naive
I watched, helpless
As she turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we’d be here
Never thought we’d be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn’t make you see it
Couldn’t make you see it
That I loved you more than you’ll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go 

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we’d be here
Never thought we’d be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn’t make you see it
Couldn’t make you see it
That I loved you more than you’ll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

After all this while
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn’t make you see it
Couldn’t make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
And I loved you more than you’ll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

Lifehouse - Blind


"Now I will tell you what I’ve done for you: fifty thousand tears I’ve cried"

Evanescence - Going Under